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.. CERVANTESMay I set the stage? I shall impersonate a man. Come, enter into my imagination and see him! His name ... Alonso Quijana -- a country squire, no longer young ... bony, hollow-faced ... eyes that burn with the fire of inner vision. Being retired, he has much time for books. He studies them from morn to night and often through the night as well. And all he reads oppresses him ... fills him with indignation at man’s murderous ways toward man. And he conceives the strangest project ever. I responded that I would do that as soon as I had taken care of some person issues. First and foremost, getting my ex-wife to Norfolk with the kids. I was given permission to saddle up a flight team and fly to Cleveland. Before I left, I hugged my boys and told them I loved them. I turned them over to a pair of Marines for safe keeping. I told them to stay put, to which the marines and my boys replied with an emphatic ‘Yes Sir’. The Joint Chiefs decided that we needed help in our hospitals for. “You’re a degenerate!” the first woman said.“Maybe,” I said as I scratched my balls through my jeans.“Oh my—" the second woman stammered.“So,” I said, “When was the last time either of you did it in public?”“You’re a pig!” the first woman said.“Never!” the second woman said at the same time.“Maybe you should try it sometime,” I said, “You won’t find any gentlemen game for that kind of thing. You’ll need a real man for that.”“Like you, I suppose!” the first woman said sarcastically.The second. My mother wouldn't do anything like this to me. I'm a virgin." If you weren't, Miss, they wouldn't let you be initiated in the first place." I'll just tell them I'm not a virgin. Then we can go home."A feeling of deja vu swept over me as I recalled a similar but opposite conversation with Abby four years ago. Abby had thought she could fake the loss of virginity."Your mother has told them that you are a virgin and they will check you before the initiation." But I'm scared." Look, come back.
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